I haven't been updating this space for such a long time. So many things happened actually happened and I don't even know where to begin.
Mama was pretty much unwell. She was sick and weak that she couldn't even walk at all. Half of my time was spent taking care of her. Thank Allah I was able to take leave from work, to spend more time with her at home. And well, rather not half of my time. It was more than half of my time I would say.
Mama was rather attached to me. She always wanted me to be by her side 24 hours. I couldn't even leave her side. She just needed somebody that she was comfortable with at all time. I still remember how I suffer aches from my back because I had to sleep on the uncomfortable chair at the hospital. Lol! But honestly, all these meant nothing to the sacrifices she has done for me.
14 June 2015
It came too fast. We saw it coming but didn't expect it to happen this fast. Mama blew her last breath on that day at the hospital in the midnight. I could remember that day vividly, still so clear in my mind.
"No more heartbeat, Sir" was the last word the nurse told Ayah. My legs became wobbly and I fall to the ground. Ressal's mom was there to quickly grabbed me and told me to calm myself down. I knew on that day, I've lost her forever. Someone whom I'm so close with, whom I thought I will never able to live without. I now had to. I had to learn to live without her.
A month it will be soon, since Mama left me, left us. And I still miss her very very much from time to time. Some days when I remember the good days, I smiled to myself but sometimes when I miss her a little too much, I still break down and cry. They say it takes time and time will heal everything. I hope so. Because I'm not too sure how long will I go on to be like this. It's different, she is not anybody else that I just happened to lose. She is my mom.
People don't understand.
Some tell me at least I'm lucky to get to feel a Mother's love before Allah decides to take her away compared to some people who don't at all. Of course it's different. It's slightly painful for us because the bond is there. The attachment has been established. It's harder than you think it is.
Example:-
Imagine someone who has an iPhone and has stored all sorts of information in it and loses the phone. While someone who doesn't own an iPhone at all. The one who doesn't own an iPhone will of course feel upset that he doesn't own one, but he knows that he can't afford one & doesn't have one so it's not that upsetting for him, not until he sees someone having an iPhone.
But the who could only afford one iPhone and lost it feel more of the pain because of the attachment that they have for the phone everyday. They will think about it more than those who doesn't own one because they are so used to having the phone with them to make calls as well as storing information. So, when its gone it feels different, like something is amiss in their life.
Get what I mean?
Till here. I won't be updating here as much for now because the fasting month is around and I've been busy with cookings & bakings and what not. So I won't be able to have enough time to switch on my laptop to start writing.
But you can still catch me here:-
I'll be updating the space there more. Till here.
XOXO,
Princess Azie Anni ♥
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