Stuck In The Middle

Dear Diary,

Stuck in the middle.

1) Someone whom you have been and loving for the longest time. The two of you become too comfortable with each other and realised sometimes you have been taking each other for granted or rather, been taken for granted. He doesn't really treat you that special anymore and you can count the special things he did for you, to make you feel special. Has a good character. And for one reason, you know he loves you very much more than anything else but doesn't show it. You don't have to even doubt his love for you. A very faithful guy whom you know would not leave you for another woman or even look for another, and is willing to do anything for you, sort of. Education wise is just right, speak good English and street smart just like how you like it. However, like to keep things away from you that makes you unaware of his surrounding. And doesn't like to bring you along or allow you to get to know his friends or relatives, making you feel that he is not serious with you. Doesn't really like talking things out when there is a problem and couldn't be bothered to find a job and makes you feel that he doesn't have the slightest sympathy towards you since he is not working to that direction to make you, his wife. You wish you could hold on longer but part of you tell you to give up seeing it not leading you anywhere.

2) Someone you had crush for a few years and like every fairy tale, he started noticing you and asked for your number. You started talking, exchanging gifts, food and etc etc etc, doing special things for you and makes you feel special at times. Let others be aware that he is contacting you and you like the feeling, sort of. You are clear of your feelings for him. However, you are not clear of his feelings for you. One moment you feel that he likes you and the next moment you feel like he is not. You are not really so sure of his character wise but as you get to know him better, you somewhat know how he is like but Alhamdulilah, it has been good so far. Very hard working and driven towards his job but doesn't really speak good English and not really well to do. Something that you don't mind but you wished you hadn't but still it's really really okay to you. And sometimes you find it hard to par with him and share the same frequency since both of you are in different educational level, things that he say may not be what you agree and vice versa. BUT you are willing to compromise by any chance. Your feelings just started growing for him more each day but sometimes, you feel like telling yourself to give up as well because it come to a point whereby you are just tired of "chasing" and "trying", even though you wished something to happen. He doesn't ask you out at all and etc, makes you feel like you're the only one clapping hands.

3) Someone whom you have no idea about his existence but started talking to you. Very well to do and highly educated. No idea how is he like though but character and attitude wise have been Alhamdulilah good as well. Someone who performs his prayers just like how you wanted. And you know he is showing interest in you since he keep asking you out for lunch, wanting to fetch you from work and school, a gentleman. Any girl with the right of mind would have fallen and chosen him. You wish you could too. You did try, but your feelings is just not working with you.

Isn't feeling the most complicated thing ever? The long list that you had with you about your dream guy totally demolish when you meet someone that you started to like. You don't really care about his background or whatever that you wanted all these while.

But ultimately, I shall leave everything to Allah SWT. I'm sure He has plans for me. No use being upset or complicate things more for myself. Because whatever is written for me has already been written and nothing will ever change besides constant prayers and doa hoping for the best. When the time is right and if it's going to happen, it will happen. Insyaallah.

It's for me to know and for you to find out, whoever I end up with. Even I could not answer that. Till here. Shall wait for few more hours before I could break my fast. Feeling all sleepy already.

XOXO,
Princess Azie Anni