2 months plus to go before the wedding and honestly I'm at this rate now...
Sometimes I really wonder am I the only BTB who doesn't enjoy this whole wedding process? I don't know why everyone keep telling me to enjoy the whole wedding preparations process because one day, after everything is over, I will start to miss my wedding and the whole wedding process. I wish I can say the same one day in the future, but right now, I'm not too sure about that. I just want things to be OVER soon. I can no longer take it anymore that I'm close to almost dying. Maybe I'm exaggerating when I say dying but yeah, it feels like one.
Maybe things are harder for me because I'm doing everything without a mom, without my mom.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I have to get married without my mom and only after when she's gone but who am I to question my fate, my path that has already been written by Allah SWT, His Qada' and Qadr. As much as I think I'm dying or I can no longer take it anymore, a slight shine of light in my heart always know that deep down, Allah SWT will never test me or put me through an obstacles heavier than what my shoulder could carry. For that, I always keep pushing hard and press on in life.
I have many doubts.
Many questions left unanswered.
Worries after worries.
---
I hate you for everything, for causing my life in such a way.
I wouldn't have to be in this spot if it isn't because of you.
I hate you.
I hate to see your face.
and
I truly hate you.
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