Private & Peaceful Life

¨°o.O (Post) O.o° 0009 hours

Dear diary,

Why does love have to hurt so much?

Isn’t it a wonderful thing for everyone to feel and enjoy at the same time? As years go by, instead of experiencing more love, I’m experiencing nothing but more and more hurt each day. I don’t know how love is for you or anyone out there but my love is different.

I love you so much that sometimes I feel I can be a bit selfish myself. I wouldn’t want to “share” you with anyone else. And sometimes, I do have my I-don’t-trust-you moment as well as my insecurity days especially when PMS strikes me really bad.

I wish I could really knock my head really hard when this happen! But I really have a strong possession over things that I own or I call just for myself. Yes, B could have his flaws too but I’m not undermining mine as well.

And please don’t use the word ‘Control’ on me because trust me, that is not what I’m trying to do. I don’t control people life because even my own life is out of control.

The reason is you,

1) I don’t understand last minute plan. You want to plan something exciting, fun or interesting with your friends, cousins or whoever it is, do it in advance or inform in advance. Not something you have always planned to go out with your girlfriend on almost every weekend when suddenly a last minute FUN thing pop out for you and you cancel your outings with your girlfriend. I mind, unless it’s something really important or serious. Other than that I call that, “FALSE ALARM” = EMPTY PROMISES.

2) If you are out with your friends, cousins or just whoever it is. Could you just at least make an effort to text or call? JUST MAKE AN EFFORT is the word. Not leave your pathetic girlfriend waiting for your text and call and be gone like as if you were kidnap or something bad happened to you. Yes, we do give that freedom to you for all you care but you, yourself DO YOUR PART to text or at least call. I don’t know how other girlfriends do their thing but I do give a text or call if I’m running late or whatsoever just to inform and keep the other half occupied. Come on, you ditch her for someone else in the first place, so MAKE IT UP FOR IT and not make her feel lonely especially when ALL her family members are out and she is the only pathetic soul at home.

3) And worst, please don’t use that kind of strict tone when on phone or one word, one word when texting when you’re out with your friends, cousins or just whoever it is. Because instead of making things feel better, you’re making things worse.

4) B wants to become an actor so much. I seriously don’t mind at all and I would want to give my fullest support I can but I’ve seen MANY out there who forget who they are when they become big. They let fame get on their head and forget who they are eventually. They even forget that ONE WOMAN who stood by them during their infamous days till they become big. B said he promise he won’t let such things happen to him if he ever make it big one day because he is so in love with me. I just have one word for that and it’s called “BULLSHIT”. I don’t trust this thing anymore because I HAVE SEEN REALITY.

Maybe they said it wasn’t their fate to be together with their girlfriends since Jodoh Allah S.W.T yang tentukan. But it has always been fame that allows these people to go through a process call break up and end up with another soul. I’m not trying to judge but just look at Fauzie Laily, Mawi, Norman Hakim, Kris Dayanti and blah blah blah. Yes it’s true, if Allah S.W.T says B and I aren’t fated to be together, we won’t but I am not letting fame get into my relationship seriously.

Plus B cannot stand seeing my guy friends taking pictures with me and what makes me stand to the part seeing random (is the word) woman out there taking pictures with him. It’s a big no no! I just don’t like the idea of having to “share” my boyfriend around. I really don’t like it so much!

I trust B won’t allow such things to affect our relationship but it’s those random woman I don’t trust out there because for God sake, muka handsome ke tak handsome, as long as they got the fame, these woman will do ANYTHING! I tell you ANYTHING! How low they can stand just to “be” with these boys, I swear. And me being me, I won’t sit and stare at things to let it all happened right before my eyes. So, before people label B having such a lioness girlfriend, I hope he don’t even bother trying to be one.

I just want to lead a private and peaceful life that’s all.

Sometimes, I don’t think I make sense especially when my tooth is hurting and I’m feeling all so ‘_________’ up.

Princessazie Bella<3
Elena Gilbert(: