From the bottom of my broken heart

¨°o.O (Post) O.o° 1743 hours

Dear diary,

I finally got the time to blog. Been very busy sending mom for her treatment and she was caught with fever recently that we had to rush her off to the hospital. Thank you Allah S.W.T, mom is fine right now. Alhamdulilah! Amin! :)

And I have been feeling really really down myself. I have no freaking idea, it’s like I’m going through depression.

Love, literally the one you love besides your family. Your other half, your so-called soul mate.

Love can give you that butterfly feelings in your stomach, definitely one of the thing that could brighten up your day especially when you’re feeling down. Just the look at his face, his smile, his actions just being with him, makes you happy. The feeling so special, being loved by the one you love.

But what happens when the love that was supposed to make you smile with joy, a sense of happiness, slowly turn itself away from you? What do you do now? You started feeling things are different now, no longer the same like it used to be. You tried so hard to make it work, you sacrifice every single thing, sacrifice a lot to an extent that people say it’s the stupidest thing you ever done. You still do it because you are afraid of losing him.

Upon that, you’re always being look down on even though people think you’re far away much better than him. You are being taken for granted, not even a single time you feel appreciated for all the things that you have done. What happened when you wish that your other half would realize that you have done so much for him but he just couldn’t see it? What happen when he thinks that no matter what good you do for him, so much you try, it’s always wrong in his eyes and never good enough? What happen dear Allah? What happen now? =’(

I wish things were much easier, so that I could leave that part of me away. I seriously wish! Because it’s just too much pain for me to carry, just so much. I was hoping things could be easier with you but I was wrong. 

And if I have one wish for my Birthday, I would seriously want Allah S.W.T to numb my heart and anesthetize my brain.  Sincerely, from the bottom of my broken heart.

Princessazie Bella Elena Gilbert):