I HATE relationship.

Dear Diary,

I HATE BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP.

I HATE the fact of liking/loving someone but only to left alone to die or think that you are the only loving.

I HATE how much you end up giving your all but only to be taken granted for.

I HATE the fact of being abandon for days without any clue to anything.

I HATE how much you get used to the texting and calling and then the loss feeling you have to deal with once everything is gone.

I HATE how much I feel attached to the one I love but you only turn out to be just an option in their life.

I HATE the fact how I am supposed to pretend that everything is alright despite being so hurt deep inside.

I HATE how I end up crying myself to sleep, tearing each time because it hurts, really hurt so bad.

I HATE how I actually tried to open myself up but end up having to be broken-hearted all over again.

I HATE how I tried to learn to trust once more but only to be fooled once again.

I HATE how much when you pretend nothing happen and I have to act like it wasn't affecting me one bit.

I HATE how much it all of these remind me nothing but my history after history, my past after past.

I JUST HATE BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP!

XOXO,

Princess Azie Anni 

My Stupid Thoughts.

Dear Diary,

After so long, I FINALLY took a step forward with life, trying to move on and put the past behind me. But I guess I was wrong. The past followed me after. This thing that I am most afraid of, it follows me like how a shadow does.

Just as I thought I was this happy and blessed Princess drown in my own fairytale with my own Prince charming. Just as I thought everything seems to be going okay and alright now. Just as I thought finally someone who can love me for who I am. Just as I thought I finally had my doubts gone. Just as I thought someone who would treasure and not take me for granted. Just as I thought I could open up myself and let my guard down to love again. Just as I thought I could learn to love and trust again. Just as I thought someone would not leave me alone on the bad days. Just as I thought my happily ever after, thick & thin is here. Just as I thought I could have someone to call my own. Just as I thought I could have someone that I could be proud of. Just as I thought it was Mr. Right all along. Just as I thought I was special. Just as I thought someone who would deserve my all. Just as I thought..

Just as I thought...

Just as I thought...

Just as I thought...

Just me and my STUPID thoughts.

For the how many countless times. Why am I not able to see or differentiate between someone who would love me and someone who is there just to fool me?!

Oh well, I'm just a fool myself. And being a fool doesn't help me one tiny bit to differentiate of getting fool around, bullied around, taken for granted of.

Stupid fool, I deserve this entirely. This is good, right on my examination period. This just have to happen again and again and again.

Do I not deserve to be happy? At least, for once. ='(

XOXO,

Princess Azie Anni ♥

Bruhder first book-out

Dear Diary,

So the bruhder books out yesterday night. My family and I waited for him at Pasir Ris for a good freaking 3 hours!! Mama got it all confused thinking he'll reach by 9pm. But at 9pm he was ONLY leaving Tekong.

Guess she was too excited, that we reached Pasir Ris by 7pm. The moment he stepped down from the bus, it was already 10pm almost 11pm.

I was glad to see him, happy, elated and all the mix emotions. The fact I miss him having him around is even hard to conceal when I see him. =) I cannot thank you Allah enough and him entering NS as well.

The way he talked to me, us family is so different from the old him. He was joking around, making funny comments and he was more polite. He was patience as well as you can see, not getting angry or annoyed that easily anymore. How I wish he is in PES A or B and not C. HAHA!

I just hope Allah SWT will continue to grant my wish and make him a better person. A change person that is better in many ways especially in his manners. No matter how bad it is, how difficult it is, family, is the closest one you've got in this world. No one will love you more, accept you more than how much your family does.

I won't deny the fact that I am a family person. I put my family first before everything and everyone else and divide my time equally with my other love ones. :)

Till here. Can't wait to catch Spidey 2 again for the 2nd time later on. Woohoo!

XOXO,

Princess Azie Anni ♥

Dissertation

Dear Diary,

Dissertation is as good as killing me. I am almost dead beat tired every single day just as the thought of it and the work of it. Not only that, few occasion that I end up sleeping with all the laptop and lights on and yesterday was another of the same night.

I love going to school but I hate assignments and examinations. They are just there to wreck you up! Hahaha! I know for sure I will definitely going to miss school once I graduate BUT right now, I can't think of graduation due to the workload. It's crazy.

The same feeling I had during my Polytechnic days due to the Final Year Project (FYP). It felt like there's too many workloads and felt like I won't be able to graduate. But Alhamdulilah! I managed to pull through and graduate. Frankly, I would rather do FYP, 1000 times better than a Dissertation. FYP is done with your group mate, chosen friends and you can share ideas, do experiment together and motivate each other, while this, you are left to die and do alone. HAHA!

And I have not yet finish school but my manager has talk into me about getting a Masters. Oh boyyyy! Can you just imagine what will happen to me after that? :( Boohoohoo!

Till here. I've got to get back to my assignment. But frankly, I just wish I could get my bum off the chair and head somewhere to de-stress. Probably a run later on. Good day everyone.

It's not easy but I'm trying to learn to trust and love all over again. Yes, I was that bruised.

XOXO,

Princess Azie Anni ♥