150 To Date.

Dear Diary,

150 days to date or minus days left.

It's pretty hard when you don't have so much help around you. At this moment, there are many things that are still left unsettled for me.

And I find it harder and even harder as the days got nearer. I dread my wedding preparations and there are times I just want to run away & disappear, never to see anyone else. I've been warned by many BTBs before and I know I am not going through these things alone. Many BTBs have mentioned to me that they have faced the same or about the same situation as me before. But the fact, their parents were there and everyone else were there.

Mama has always been the one that managed everything for the family and is very understanding about my situation. Ayah on the other hand is good at ordering his way around but rarely help or even know how to help. The wedding is all on me and since it's getting nearer I could not spare enough for my own wedding, and D is working hard, OT after OT tremendously. I'm not lying if I say that we do not quarrel. D is human too, working OT means he gets tired easily and rarely get to spend enough time with me. Which also means I feel neglected most of the time, especially when I needed him to be with me to discuss and settle all the wedding preparations.

I feel so pressure that I realized I have been losing my patience and temper a bit too easily, a bit too much lately. I became very much petty over little tiny things and it gets me annoyed. And at this time too, I discovered many things that I think...could meddle with my trust and I became more and more vulnerable, more and more insecure. I don't trust so much most of the time. The last time I heard, well for the many times I've seen how, when someone trust so much, in the end their trust consumed them over things that they never picture that could have happened but it happened. So I became very careful yet sometimes I could not even explain myself.

But then again, I never have to feel, or care or face about this kind of things before. But I do not know why all these feelings started to make its presence and appearance just before the wedding. So much so, it's taking a toll on my life and my emotions. Sometimes I wished to just don't care but it's hard because all these revolves around my life - and will be carried to the future. I hope this is just a wedding kind of trials & obstacles, no more after that, hopefully.

Fairytale wedding never exist do they?

  

Finally booked the wedding venue for my side yesterday. Syukur Alhamdulilah! D and I actually went down 2 weeks ago to book the Multi-Purpose Hall (MPH) for my side but they told us the booking is not open yet till yesterday.  And my side used to be under the Choa Chu Kang Town Council before but recently we were split under the Yew Tee-Marsiling Town Council continent. The last time booking for a void deck for wedding, all you needed was just to produce your IC and you're good to go. That was what happened for D, since his place is still under the old Town Council - Bukit Panjang Town Council, thus booking the void deck was super easy, that even his mom could do it for him. But on the other hand, I went through so much difficulty.

Yew Tee-Marsiling Town Council - They needed me to produce the ROMM approval letter (but their website stated ROM and not even ROMM letter) Seriously, this part is a bit too.....zzzzz. They don't realized ROMM and ROM are 2 different processes and decisions are involved in here. Yes, it may be 4 months plus from now to our wedding but D and I haven't even decide yet on the solemnization time and which naib kadi we would like to choose (which ROM doesn't require for any naib kadi decision. Duh!) for our wedding. I don't even know which kadi is who for now.

And registering into the portal means you have to decide all these already and make the ROMM administration payment which cost $39. Yes, $39 may be cheap to some but for us who is cash-tight, it's a lot. And they'll charge you again if you make any last minute changes to the registration. At the same time, you also have to confirm your solemnization venue when registering for ROMM, which in my case it is held at my MPH itself. Let's just say we already wrote down the MPH for the solemnization venue, registered and made the ROMM payment but when we go down to the Town Council, we don't get to book the void deck because someone else have already booked it before us. This means we have to make amends on the ROMM registration, which means we have to pay for the amendment changes as well. And is the Town Council going to pay me for that?

The Town Council keep warning me that the void deck is based on a first-come-first serve basis. Yah duh! I know. That's the reason why I wanted to book it earlier but they die-die wanted me to produce the ROMM approval letter when we don't even get to book the venue yet. I think it's only right, if after knowing I am successful in booking the venue, then can I do my ROMM process, correct? Haiz! If I know this kind of thing would have happened, I would have done my wedding elsewhere like at Royal Palm or Desa Kartika or anywhere else. But of course, my dad would not want it. He still love the idea of gotong-royong and rewang kind of kampong wedding feeling at the void deck kind. But after much exchanges of words, they finally approved my booking for the MPH, but I have to come back in a month's time from now to produce the ROMM approval letter.  After the successful in booking the venue, I made the deposit plus the extra charges for booking the MPH inclusive of the electricity and water usage bills too. And I guess this time, D and I have to finally decide on our solemnization time and who we want our naib kadi to be. I have never thought I would have to register for ROMM this early by January 2017 next month, always thought I wanted to do it somewhere next year but in February or March but I guess....Kita yang merancang, Allah SWT yang tentukan.

But well, lucky they finally did approve my booking for the venue. Alhamdulilah! Or else I would have wasted twice of my annual leave for this thingy. Plus, the place is so far from my house, all the way at Marsiling and it's like so farrrrr to walk to the Town Council office. Zzz!

Till here.

I am very stressed up currently that I am having heart palpitations now & then, I have been vomiting after consuming my food, my stomach feels very uneasy each time of the day, I get agitated & annoyed easily, I cry without realizing and I have been having such throbbing headaches. Haiz!

I missed my old self.

What has one wedding done to me?

Like D always try to encouraged me,

"We will persevere okay. I will help you in whatever ways I can. We are already in our last lap, the final hurdle, we can do this together. Once the wedding is over, we can chill, relax and be happy together."

Insyaallah.

But what he doesn't realized, things never get easier as we grow older. More and more responsibility, more and more problems, more and more things to think about, to decide on too. Think about yourself now and 10 years back when you were in school, Polytechnic etc, the ONLY stress you probably have or your so called MAJOR stress was about school; projects, exams or maybe money for some. But now you have bigger responsibility, bigger stress, bigger decision. Nevermind, let my fiancé have the benefit of the doubt for now, his own doubt. Tsk.

XOXO,

Princess Azie Anni ♥