Tying Knot.

Dear Diary,

So today was the day, discussion of tying the knot between Adik & Ressal. It went well, Alhamdulilah. The date is set and everything is clearer now. I can never feel so much happy for the two of them. Really. I have always like Ressal and treated him just like my own brother and of course, I don't think my sister deserve any more better guy than he, himself. Amin!

But beneath this happiness, I can't lie, that deep down, I feel disappointed in myself. What happen to that 8 years of relationship that I hold on to? The dreams, my dreams, our dreams we had, when we were 16. It shattered. I feel cheated, I feel deceived and a little tinge of myself felt that I had enough of all these. I have mix emotions every time. It used to be that I cannot wait for myself to get married to the love of my life and start our own family together but now I start to hate guys and I just totally gave up in love, in marriage. Astaghfirllahalazim! I know I shouldn't be saying all these. Allahua'lam!

And with that, I had teases coming in saying that after Adik, it will be my turn next. Haizz! Boyfriend pun tak ada. But they say, it's always like that. When one started, it'll be contagious and the ball will start to roll. Which is true, it was Boor who got married first and the other cousins just follows right after. Balong got married next, followed by Hisyam, then Aboy and soon it will be Wanie, Lyna and my sister perhaps.

So when the teases come in, I usually respond with a shriek like NO. Lol!  And the auntie always tell me, 'Do not ever do that!!' Okay lah, seriously, who am I to lie? Because Allah SWT knows what is buried right through the bottom of my broken heart. Of course, I WANT to get married, go through that stage like every any other girl would want. I myself, have plans out of what my dream wedding would be like. But those actions I did because I don't want to appear like a desperado with a 'YES YES' face  when people tell me that I'll be next. Can you imagine doing that? Then people will come with a comment saying "Eh, gatal and miang pulak budak ni."

But the question is, WHO WOULD WANT TO MARRY ME?! Really. Who would?! And even if there is any, WILL I WANT TO MARRY HIM?! Marriage is not a laughing matter that you can joke around. Yes, it's easy to get married to any Tom, Dick & Harry but to me, LOVE has to play a part in a relationship before you get married to anyone. I do believe in love after marriage which is something that even Islam encourages. But I cannot picture myself marrying someone whom I don't love and him appearing next to me in my bed or even touch me. Ya Allah! Okay, I know I'm going too deep but really not?! Can you imagine someone doing that to you. Okay, I better stop talking nonsense.

So Mama got pretty upset when I say all those sort. I was just only kidding. I promise, I won't say such stuff anymore. The next time, I will go INSYAALLAH. Doakan lah yang terbaik buat saya. AMIN! Okay? 

And next will be my turn as well okay? Insyaallah. I will never stop praying for Mr. Prince. Maybe he just took a longer route before reaching to me. Allah SWT always has a plan for you, for me, for us, for everyone and He created every human being with their own deserving other half. Allah SWT will always reward you for being patience. I don't mind waiting a little longer if the wait is a fruitful one. Amin!

Till here.

XOXO,

Princess Azie Anni ♥