😢😔 Yesterday was the day. I was invited over by D's family to celebrate his mom's birthday. Trust me, I had no idea that we are going to eat or have steam boat. I wasn't even told in the first place. So I kinda had a heavy meal before attending. Thus, by then I was feeling quite full already. I'm on my nonsense diet, so I'll only eat one meal a day every day. Not that I purposely choose not to eat when I was there.
Anyway, besides nuts. I don't like dendeng, hot dogs or grapes. So when these food were offered to me, I rejected politely but I did eat some, hotdog cheese for instant. And I like mutton & beef but ever since braces, these meat will get stuck in between my teeth and it hurts like crazy. And I can't just be picking my teeth in front of his family like when I'm with him. I also tahu malu. So I didn't eat much of the food there. Plus, I don't know how steam boat actually works. It was my first time eating like that with his family.
Most of the time when I'm there, I was just quiet because I don't know what to say to the family. I don't want to appear too bubbly. People might think I'm crazily annoying talking non-stop like how when I'm with my colleagues, family, friends or even when I'm with D. Sometimes they even wish I'll just keep quiet for once.
And yes, I may know how to cook at home but when it comes to BBQ-ing & steam boat, I'm a total failure. Does he not remember? The last time when we went to Seoul Garden, he did all the cooking for me? I don't even know what food to eat or even if the food was cooked for the record. So I just sat down until the food was served onto my plate. And then of course, I cut all those meat slowly and put them inside my mouth slowly. Honest to God, inside me I was nervous. You can 'yek eleh' because that was what I was feeling. Then yek eleh, I'm just different from you.
So after finished eating, I wanted to help clear up but I'm too shy to even help. Plus I don't know my way around at people's house when I first just step my foot at. I'm not like this when I'm at my bestfriend's place or relatives' place. I always helped to clean up and stuff. Just that I'm not used to in other people's house. So I just sat down in the living room to watch TV together with the family.
Yes, I sat straight because I was too full. Yes, I was stoned because most of the time when I'm with D, we will always tease or joke around with each other. I'll do stuff like poking him, but we're not even married yet. How can I be doing all these stuff in front of his parents? Of course, I just sat like a rock. I'm brought up in a way how my parents brought me up. I also tahu halal & haram. Things I can do or not do.
So before we made a move, D hinted to me that he haven't slept the whole day because he hit the gym after night shift. We were supposed to go out after that, which he already promised me. Pinky promise me some more! I know the he way said that, was because he wanted to hint me that he do not want to go out but to have his sleep instead. So you tell me now. Was the gym necessary on that day? Tiring urself, not to sleep, then I'll become the victim? He could have hit the gym another day right? So I just rolled my eyes on him and I guess he understood the sign and agreed to go out.
***
Told his parents that he was going to send me back home. At the same time, I wanted to take a look at the Bukit Panjang BTO area, how far it is from the LRT & stuff. So D brought me over.
While walking, he was making fun of me, "Wah! Tadi potong daging, ayam semua bukan main lembut lagi eh. Potong sikit. Sikit. Sikit gitu. Then duduk punya lah straight macam gitu. Kelakar seh. You takut sangat apa dengan my mom? My parents? They are not monsters okay. They are going to be your in-laws soon. Your family soon."
Woah. I told you, the moment when all those words were thrown at me. I could no longer hold back my tears. I already felt my most awkward when I'm there. Like I don't know what I can do or not do in front of his family. (I mean some family have different adab what) Like my family don't like people slurping the noodles loudly while eating, we will be scolded for doing that. 😔
Plus it's not like I meet his family always. I could even count with fingers, yes only twice but in bigger occasion, when many people were present. I have NEVER sat on the same table feasting together. And then when he said all those words to me, I felt like my presence nor my effort to be there was not even appreciated.
So I tried to hold back my tears, until he saw my eyes and asked me "Why are you crying? Eh why are you crying?" I could no longer stand it and I told him everything and what I felt.
Yah. Just because he knew me for 2 years already. HE FORGOT how I was when HE FIRST MET ME. If I can rewind back to show him, I will. I never even finish our food when we were eating and if there was big chicken, I didn't even cut them to eat. When he ordered a lot of food, I will only eat what's on my plate. Now different lah, I eat everything, even on his plate when we are together. And so I was this quiet when I first started my job. Ask my colleagues. They can tell you how I behaved when I first join. I was quiet. I don't even eat or go for lunch at work. Ask my girlfriends. They'll always thought I don't speak Malay or English, or think I could even speak for the record. Haiz!
Instead of understanding me, which his sister somehow did when she said "Kak Azie is behaving like how Kak Maria was, when she first met our family." All he does was reprimand me for my behaviour without even giving me a chance to let me take my time to be comfortable or to get to know his family better.
So hurt. If I really don't want to make any effort, I wouldn't have asked if I should buy anything for the family or even asked what gift should we get for his mom's birthday.
I know his family is important, I never said they weren't. I know they are going to be my family. I accept and love them just like how I will when it comes to my family too. How important my family is, so are his family to me. But I need some time, some adjustment. It's just me. I always had my guard up when I first meet people before I open up. Just because you know me for years or have seen me how I behave towards my friends or people I've known for years, you don't have to reprimand me for my behaviour when I first meet people.
I'm this hurt that I don't even wish to talk to D. Honestly, the last time when I met someone's family. It wasn't even like this to begin with. The reason why even when someone's family members was hospitalized, I will, for the record go down to pay my visit.
🍃🍃🍃
Despite all that, I did apologize to D for behaving that way and so did D, for saying such things at me. Besides, no relationship is perfect. And being engaged, you know there are 1001 things of obstacles waiting to just fall at the both at you. Plus, we are at this stage of adjustment, getting to know each other more/better in life. So, let's move forward from here and take this as a stepping stone to learn from whatever. But that does not mean I'm not hurt and feel like talking to D.
XOXO,
Princess Azie Anni ♥
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