Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha

Dear Diary,

First and for all, Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha to all the Muslim across the world! 
Semoga ibadah kita diterima Allah S.W.T. Insyaallah! Amin! =)

And dearest Mama will be discharged today and I cannot wait to welcome her home. Woke up early morning for Subuh prayers, clean and vacuum the house already. I wanted to head down for Solat Adha at Al-khair mosque but felt awkward to go alone.

Amin suggested to head down to Yew Tee field for Solat Adha while he wait for me but it was already last minute, I'm afraid by the time I reach there, the solat would have already started.

Anyway, if not by now, my family would have been busy boiling the weaved ketupat that was done overnight, as well as helping Mama to prepare dishes for Hari Raya. Still, my greatest thank you to Mak Tam, Azmi’s family, Adik’s boyfriend, Ressal for sending some Hari Raya dishes. May Allah bless your kind soul! It may not be much but we are truly syukur.

And thank you Diniy, for he Korban video! He is currently in Malaysia now with his family. Hehe! I have always wanted to witness the slaughtering of the sheep & cow during Hari Raya Adha. And now I get to. It really means a lot. I'm really blessed with nice people around me. =')

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We have been through everything for so long. I couldn't fathom my own reason why, if I’m used to you? Do I pity you? or is this really out of love. It doesn't matter anymore to me; you have been a part of me for the longest time.

Sometimes I push myself hard forward but I don’t understand why I keep rewinding back. It’s really so hard, I’ve tried. Words to the wise. I know people meant well but like Mama & Ayah said, ultimately it’s my life, I decide.

Will I suffer in the future? Will things get worse? Or will there be sunshine after the rain? Or even rainbows at the end of the tunnel? Will things turn out to be better than anyone in this soul thought it won’t be? Who’s to know? Only Allah S.W.T knows the best and the only rightfully one to judge. Sometimes, I don’t even know what to pray & ask for. My feelings are certain but I don’t know why you haven’t got the slightest sympathy on me.

As quoted by someone, “Young, smart, pretty, witty. I hope you keep your options open.”

Others are so annoying, I cannot stand. None was competent. If it’s not this, it’s that. Well, as I walk aimlessly, prayers after are prayers accompanied me throughout my journey. I hope Allah S.W.T show shine a light on me on this.

Then I realized, I’ve got my eyes on you but then again, it felt all wrong again.

Till here.

XOXO,
Princessazie Bella ♥
Elena Gilbert(: