Yellow

Dear Diary,

Comes March and I still find myself stuck in the history of you & I. Why? Why I asked myself. I used to handle separation quite well. But how come not this time? Maybe because this separation it's a bit unusual.

Why am I so attached to this whole idea of you and I? Why do I want this so much? Why do I still love you so much? What is so great about you? You are just another Allah's SWT creation like any other. Another creation that is not perfect, who makes mistakes like any other human being on earth. But why do my heart still resides in you?

I should feel Allah SWT is greater for creating you, in fact the greatest because He is perfect. He doesn't make mistakes and above all, He is the creator of all creation.

Shouldn't I feel attach to Him more than you and not feel hurt at all? Shouldn't I feel at ease for what He has already written and plan for me, lay out everything for me?

This attachment I have for you is hurting me. It's breaking me apart every single day. It's doing me more harm than good. It's drowning me down than lifting me up. I find it hard to get on with my life. I tried. I honestly tried. But... I just can't.

I know there are many people out there who is so so so so nice. And may Allah SWT bless all of you for always trying to make me smile, happy and trying so much to make me move on. But I always believe to move on in life, it has to start from me. From myself.

But I have not been doing anything to help myself. I tried and I stumbled again. I thought I did and I fall again. I get up thinking I'm fine and as I walk, I tripped and here I am again. Back to square one. Just how could I.

Ya Allah, I have never stopped praying and making doa. Nobody would understand what I have to go through besides You. Nobody would understand why am I feeling this way, besides You. No one would understand anything or even everything, besides You. For once, make me feel at ease. Make me feel okay.

I just need that. I badly need that. Just to feel 'fine' for once. Feel 'okay' like it used to be.

---

Look at the stars
 Look how they shine for you
 And everything you do
 Yeah they were all yellow

I came along
 I wrote a song for you
 And all the things you do
 And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn
 Oh what a thing to have done
 And it was all yellow

Your skin
 Oh yeah your skin and bones
 Turn into something beautiful
 You know you know I love you so
 You know I love you so

I swam across
 I jumped across for you
 Oh what a thing to do

Cause you were all yellow
 I drew a line
 I drew a line for you
 Oh what a thing to do
 And it was all yellow

Your skin
 Oh yeah your skin and bones
 Turn into something beautiful
 And you know
 For you I'd bleed myself dry
 For you I'd bleed myself dry

It's true
 Look how they shine for you
 Look how they shine for you
 Look how they shine for
 Look how they shine for you
 Look how they shine for you
 Look how they shine

Look at the stars
 Look how they shine for you
 And all the things that you do

XOXO,

Princess Azie Anni ♥
#Prayinghard