Zumba. Heartache.

Dear Diary,

I am still high on caffeine and I can't sleep. There was like a free upgrade from Grande to Venti sized for Starbucks drink today. I couldn't decide between the two new drink either a French Vanilla Latte or the Dark Caramel Latte.

So, I asked the staff from Starbucks, in between the two which is rather more popular but she told me her preference which is Dark Caramel Latte but it's just a little bit sweet. For someone who loves sweet stuff, of course I went with Dark Caramel Latte. Sadly, the moment I took a sip of the drink. It almost had me killed because it was too coffee-ish !! I cannot take too much caffeine because it taste horrible and it's doing what it's doing to me now. KEEP ME WIDE AWAKE, exactly!

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Anyhoos, I decided to break free from my usual routine run of 4 km today. So I followed my lovely aunties for Zumba lesson. It was FUN! But of course, I'm not used to the Zumba dance routine, so you can just picture and imagine me anyhow dancing and moving around like some chicken/duck move. HAHAHAHA!

 

 

I don't perspire as much for Zumba compared to running or when I do cardio workouts at home. But who cares. As long as I enjoy myself, as long as we enjoy ourselves. Hehehe! And I heard there is a nearby gym around my area that is recently open. I shall soon venture for some gym-ing session. I can't waitttttttt.

Pardon me. I can be a little bit of an exercise freak at times, well most times and I TRY as much as I can to go on clean diet on weekdays but eat-whatever-you-can on weekends. Hehe! And another session of Zumba tomorrow.

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So they say that time

Takes away the pain

But I’m still the same

And they say that I

Will find another you

That can’t be true

 

Why didn’t I realize?

Why did I tell lies?

Yeah I wish that I could do it again

Turnin’ back the time

Back when you were mine (all mine)

So this is heartache?

So this is heartache?

Hiroi atsumeta koukai wa,

Namida e to kawari oh baby

So this is heartache?

So this is heartache?

Ano hi no kimi no eiga wa

Omoide ni kawaru

I miss you

 

Boku no kokoro o
Yuitsu mitashite satte yuku
Kimi ga
Boku no kokoro ni
Yuitsu furareru koto ga dekita
Kimi wa

Oh baby
Mou inai yo mou nanimo nai yo
Yeah I wish that I could do it again
Turnin’ back the time
Back when you were mine (all mine)

So this is heartache?
So this is heartache?
Hiroi atsumeta koukai wa
Namida e to kawari oh baby

So this is heartache?
So this is heartache?
Ano hi no kimi no eiga wa omoide ni kawaru
I miss you

It’s so hard to forget Kataku musunda sono musubime wa
Yeah, It’s so hard to forget Tsuyoku hikeba hiku hodo ni

You and all the regret
Hodokenaku natte hanare renaku natta
Ima wa tsurai yo, sore ga tsurai yo
Sugu wasuretai yo

Kimi wa

So this is heartache?
So this is heartache?
Hiroi atsumeta koukai wa
Namida e to kawari oh baby

So this is heartache?
So this is heartache?
Ano hi no kimi no eiga wa omoide ni kawaru
I miss you

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

I know nobody actually reads what I'm blogging. So most of the time, I wrote what I feel here openly. I was watching Kenshin Rurouni: The Legend Ends with D the other day and at the end of the movie, the credit part, they had this song playing. I instantly like the song. It's really nice and soothing.

Me: Wah, they play English song at the end of the movie?
D: This band is called One OK Rock.
Me: How do you know?
D: The whole movie used songs from this band.
Me: Oh really?! This song is so nice.  I miss you.. I miss you...  Hmm..what is the title of this song eh?
D: Hmm..
Me: Oh there! It's called heartache. Wah! Balik I want to download and listen to this song already.
D: Haha!

As I kept listening to this song over and over again, SUDDENLY, a particular someone came into my mind. I have honestly moved on from my past, whatever past I have left behind. But there are times when you can't just help yourself but to THINK. We are only human being and being a normal human being, well you can call that, we tend to over think and of course, not perfect in many ways.

I don't know if this is even wrong for me to say, and worse, to even begin with. But I just got to pen this thoughts down. I don't usually like to tell people what I'm feeling, most of the time, I express my thoughts and feelings out through writings/blogging.

I wonder how you are at times. How are you coping with life...without me. Does my absence makes you feel amiss or it doesn't matter to you at all. Do you ever regret or is it just your ego. How are your family and everyone. Does anyone ever think or mention about me anymore. The last time they had me "begging" not to leave. But I still took my step and left. I wonder how things will be different if you have had a job. I wonder at times how things will be different if you didn't comply so easily to me leaving at that moment. I wonder how things will be different if you have had listen to me that this time once I leave, I'm not coming back no matter what. If you would have at least considered my feelings at that moment. If you took me seriously. If you listen. If I really matter.....and stuff. 8 years, of course it wasn't easy, never had it easy but I finally did it. Somehow managed to. It took some time but definitely a lot of me.

***

D: So..does this means that if one day if he were to have a job and comes back into your life, you are going to leave me?
Me: ..No! Of course not! How can you even think that way?! I'm the one should be feeling afraid. You have this 'I am guilty' written all over your face for what you did. You might feel sorry and go back to her for all you know.
D: ..No....No. No b. No. I will not. It's you now. Just you now.

And for someone who can read in between the line. You know the truth, you saw the truth and you heard the truth. It comes in that sentence, just before that sentence, during that little hesitation at the start before you answer. But you know what comes after that hesitation, was an honest and sincere answer.

I love you, D. You are my life now, my better half.  I love you more than anything else. Like I have  promised, I'll be the best for you, for us.

Goodnight.

XOXO,
Princess Azie Anni.