Flowers.

Dear Diary,

Hating PMS to the core . No freaking idea why but I cried myself to sleep yesterday and while crying I was telling myself "Why am I cryingggg?" Tsk. Some days like this I need all the attention in the world. Sadly for me, Mama is no longer around for me to be clingy and stuff.

Oh and I remember, I had another person to annoy. LOL!  So of course lahhhh, I had to warn him first that Miss M is here, so he will be extra patience with me. HAHAHA! He is a man of steel, forever has patient for me. And I can just hear Ayah at the background telling me to never take it for granted. Heee!

 

That is just me seeking attention lah eh. HAHAHA! And yes, D can be quite slowwwww when reciprocating my 'I Love You' back  and he rarely say it. But I know lah he loves me and occasionally, when he say  , it always feels very very special. Righttttttt ..... !! And he will always 'omg' me whenever I am PMS-ing because.....the things I can do or get annoyed/angry with during PMS-ing can be quite...stressful to handle. Hahaha! Well, I know these BUT...it's PMS, it's NOT me.

 

And don't mind the name 'Bakal Suami' I save for D under my contact. Hahaha! Because currently, I am hook on the drama series 'Isteri VS Tunang'. So feeling-feeling D being my Bakal Suami soon. LOL! Insyaallah. Amin!

 

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Applied for another BTO yesterday the moment the application opens. This have been basically our 3rd time trying. By right, this time we should be able to get 3 chances since we fail to get a flat for the last 2 applications. BUT...the cheeky boy told me to apply for a new application for the previous BTO, so back to 2 chances instead of 3 now. Apparently, he said his name and government job has more luck compared to my name and my private job.  Still, we fail to get a flat for the last application. HAHAHAHA! But anyway, I hope we don't get the house this time too, because the next BTO opening has one at Bukit Panjang. And yes, D has been bugging me many times that he wanted a house at Bukit Panjang, near to his parents place. So if this application fails, the next time we apply at Bukit Panjang we will have 3 chances for the ballot. Hopefully higher chance to get a house there. I mean I don't mind lah, as long as we're near his parents place or near my parents place. And I'm starting to feel like staying at Bukit Batok is way far off from my parents as well as D's parents place, though it's consider not that far. I want a place to tempat bergantungggggg. I can just hear D telling me to start growing up, because the last time he nags at me, how old am I already and why do I still need my bantal busuk to sleep.

 

But the waiting time by then to get our house will be freaking longggggg. Year 2021 is the estimation for the house completion. Tskkkk! D and I will be literally homeless and staying put at each other's parents' place for 4 long years before we finally have a place call Home/Rumahku, Syurgaku. Lol!

 

Sidetrack:- Talking about bantal busuk, D said he is going to throw my bantal busuk away when we get married.  I'll better bring my bantal busuk to work man like this. I CAN'T sleep without my bantal busuk. Please don't remind me of my age. Mama did try to buy me a new pillow and guess what?! I COULDN'T sleep, so I managed to retrieve my bantal busuk back and sleep peacefully after that. Unless D wants me to stay up all night to annoy and keeping him awake all night without my bantal busuk, he is welcome and may throw my bantal busuk away.

 

Anyway, I wonder if D reads my blog or does he even know if I have a blog? HAHAHA! Because the last time I complain about him not liking the post I usually tag him on FB, apparently now, he has started liking them. Hmmm....  Hopefully, he doesn't know that I have a blog lah eh. Because there goes my ONLY platform, besides Twitter because it has character limit, to complain on a lengthy post since I don't usually talk about my day to anyone else besides Mama before.

 

Till here.

 

The love for flowers. My eyes just glow in glee the moment I see flowers. This really made my day today at work.

 

Black peel-able nail polish. Heee! The only time of the month that I'll paint my nails. Yerps!

XOXO,

Princess Azie Anni ♥

 

14th February 2016

Dear Diary,

While some days I can be very much loving, submissive and the anything-goes-kind girl but the problem comes in when there are days I can be really difficult. And I mean it when I say I become very difficult. We are all build to different characters. Certain things about you I can stand, while certain things I can't. Certain things to you is okay while to me is not and vice versa. Our past and our experience shape us as a person somehow and that lead us to each of our own characters.

I've mention this many times that D and I are totally opposite individuals who happen to meet and then fall in love. I'm always the sweet-loving lovey dovey kind. And nahhhhh, D doesn't shower me much with romantic words and gestures. Neither he likes my post or replies me that often on social media when I tag him stuff.  While I'm the opposite, I'm the faster finger first to like whenever he tags me stuff. I know. This kind of guy always annoy some of us girls to the brim.

But sometimes I "fail" to see there is also the good side of him. We value and compare too much in this world. Yes, I was told not to compare about people's relationship with your own because different relationship are just different, but at times, we tend to "overlook" and "forgot" these things.

I ask too much sometimes why Allah SWT allow us to meet. Who am I to say such things? When He knows what is best for us. The best planner of all plans.

Whatever happens and whatever it is. I am never giving up on this man and in this relationship, just like how he has never did. Insyaallah. Amin. The man who is doing everything to uphold his promise to my mom, to take care of me from now on. For as long as Allah SWT is with us and in Allah's will, we will always try our best to go through this together. The one who is forever patience with my bipolar-self. Yes lah, I can be very bipolar.

Lol! Till here. Very tired. Goodnight all.

XOXO,

Princess Azie Anni ♥

Happy Birthday BIL.

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was Ressal's birthday and so the usual, I bought a small cake for us family to celebrate, just the usual small celebration. Birthdays have always been an important thing for us family ever since I was born. We have never missed each other Birthdays or even my parents Anniversary for the record.

So sometimes getting to know someone who doesn't take Birthdays that importantly cause us a slight disappointment. Who cares about Birthdays, some people will say. But well, heck. I care. If it aren't for Birthdays, you wouldn't even be born.

Pretty right the cake?

 

It's niceeeeeeeee.

 

 

 

Just the rest of the food.

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Sometimes I ask Allah SWT why do my heart settle for less? Or rather settle for someone whom I could see obstacles coming. I tried so hard to open up myself and choose the person who I could clearly see that he will take good care of me for the rest of my life. Someone who will never give up on me. Someone who will be a good father to my children. Someone who will shower me with endless joy and love. Someone whom I know for sure will make me feel at ease in the future. Someone who finds me beautiful in just whatever possible way I am. Someone who really loves me a lot and for who I am. Someone who will pamper me. So why do my heart still reside for the opposite? I make doa every single day, so that Allah SWT will show me the right way and so that I will not regret making decision. Hopefully, I could open up my heart to the person who actually deserve me, deserve my love before everything gets too late. But why can't I, no matter how much I try? ='( Why do I "choose" to hurt and break myself like this? Ya Allah. Save me. Please save me, before everything gets too late.

XOXO,

Princess Azie Anni ♥

Food an idea.

Dear Diary,

I woke up fringing late for work today from my usual 5.45am. I couldn't even hear my alarm clock. Happily woke up at 8.30am and yes of course, jumped out of my bed, showered and rush off to work. Sad, I can't even do Fajr, makes me super guilty. Luckily, my clock is a digital clock. Can you imagine if it's the analogue kind. I prolly be counting the lines in those clocks wondering what time it is before I start showering. Yes, I can't read analogue clock well...sadly.

Reached work like 45 minutes late. Tsk!

Anyway, I have to share this a dessert place I recently try out during the CNY holiday. It's called 'The Famous Ice-Cream Roll Shop.' Well, I am not sure how famous are they since nowadays you find so many Ice-cream roll shop, like happyrollies and etc. But...the Ice-cream is nice of course. And technically, I think all these ice-cream roll taste the same, depending on what flavour and toppings you decide to have.

 

Top is Oreo + Kinder Bueno roll and Kit Kat topping and the bottom is Vanilla + Kinder Bueno waffle. Yum yum of course! And the good thing, it's H-A-L-A-L. And guess what? The oldest place in Singapore. I didn't know besides Pulau Ubin, literally in Singapore there IS a Kampung house. So niceeeee! Imagine if it's Hari Raya. I could probably play your fire light stick? Omigod. For a moment, I forget what that thing is called. Hahahahaha!

 

 ---

 

I look back on the old pictures when Ressal family came over to our house for merisik. To merisik Adik before their engagement. Lol!  And I happened to take pictures of the food that Mama prepare on that day. It was just a close affair for merisik lah of course, compared to your engagement and compared to a wedding ceremony. It's just between 2 families. Yerpssssssss.

 

And so Mama made the dried Mee Siam and at alsooooooo.... your Roti Kirai and Chicken Curry. That gives me the idea too. The challenging part comes in because THIS time, I'll be the one cooking. No Mama.  And I haven't master this part of cooking yet. I mean, I cook to my own liking most of the time. I eat whatever I cook but to cook for people, it's scaryyyyyy. I have never done that before. Okay, I lie. Maybe to people who are closer to me that I usually bake and cook for them. Heh!

 

So my first attempt of my dried Mee Siam. I don't know if I'm being thick skin or what lahhh.   But it's sedap. I like it so much. HEHEHEHEHE! And even Ayah and Muhammad likes it too. Recipe courtesy of my secretary, Anita. She ALWAYS give recipes and guide me with cooking. Plus her recipe is always THE HIT okayyyyy. And of course, the rest is on your own. Different people have different technique and ways of cooking. Sometimes, it's JUST-THE-HAND. Like they say, air tangan orang yang masak tu. Though my hand haven't fully "transform" when it comes to cooking, I hope Mama has pass down her "hand" to me and one day I'll master them. Yes, my mom's cooking is the greatest. Yum yum!

 

Enough food. I don't know how many times this year I've been unwell. Right now, another fever, another sore-throat. Gosh! Haizzzzz! And feeling the feverish cold now.  Get well soon Princess. Syafakallah. Amin!

 

XOXO,

Princess Azie Anni ♥

Complicated.

Dear Diary,

It gets complicated sometimes, don't you think so? When you're in love with someone, the feeling is uncontrollable. When you get slightly attach over time. Well, attach is exaggerating. I wouldn't say attach because attach basically means you cannot even depart.

It's a connection, deeper, rather in-depth feeling you feel. Slightly "poisonous", slight "unhealthy" if people were to see it in their point of view but basically it's nothing but just love, purely love. You become overprotective. Sometimes selfish, sometimes clingy. You crave so much for their attention. At times, you feel afraid that the love you've build together, the so much effort you put in, be gone just like that, just like the same old cycle you've been through before. So you'll try even harder to "protect" and do what it takes to keep it going.

They wouldn't see. They wouldn't feel. They wouldn't understand.

Because...they don't reciprocate and neither are they in the person's shoe to feel. You don't know how tiring it is. How exhausting it is. Trust me, she wasn't trying to difficult, she didn't mean to and that, you should know.

But it's okay. Because one day we will all come to that point of realization how much someone means to you. How much has someone sacrifice so much for your happiness and just everything, the pain that has been put through, because nothing can be quite compared. And when you start to miss everything. I know it is always too late for everyone. It's when he/she is forever gone.

Syukur Alhamdulilah, Allah SWT has always make me see things in a different point of view. To always cherish, appreciate, to give in and love the people around me. That's how Mama is too. So I guess this will be the way my life is, my kind of "happiness", until the day I close my eyes, until the day I blow my last breath. One thing after that, don't ever cry for me.

Yours,
Princess.

Flavour Flings

Dear Diary,

I am currently missing D so much.  It has been long since we ever have a proper date together. Though last time we meet-up like once every 3 weeks but we spend quality time together. Unlike now, we meet up at least once a week but our meet-ups are filled with appointments after appointments right after our work and then we'll head home after that because penat already.  Rindu banget. Kangen banget. Haizzz! But what to do right. Sabar je lah eh.

And this Chinese New Year holidays is not helping me at all because I'm staying put at home doing nothing while D is out working. And and, I really HATE staying at home doing nothing. Tsk! Sometimes I wish I can fast-forward to next year so I'll have someone to accompany me at home. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Talking about having company at home. The other day, I had a conversation with D.

Me: Awak, you rasa paiseh tak eh nak kahwin?
D: Paiseh?! Paiseh asal eh?
Me: Yelah. Nak naik pelamin all. Nanti kita jadi the centre of attraction seh. I tunang ni lagi I stress. I duduk sorang.
D:  Kalau gitu tak payah kahwin. Ah you gitu lah, semua paiseh.
Me: Paiseh lah. Nak posing nanti for wedding pictures. Hahahaha! Lepas tu kalau the videographer interview nak kene cakap semua. I paiseh seh. Malu.
D: Dia tanya, jawab aje lah. Eh you eh, semua paiseh.
Me: I think nanti I sembunyi belakang you ah.
D: Hahahahaha! Nanti orang tanya mana pengantin perempuannya. I jawab "Ni kat belakang ni. Dia paiseh." Hahahaha! You gitu lah b, semua paiseh. Nanti I dah kahwin I balik rumah my parents k.
Me: Huh?! Then I sorang?
D: Habis tu, I pun mcm you juga, paiseh.
Me: Kkkkkk. I dah tak paiseh dah.

Tskkkkkk. Habis tu dah paiseh.

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Skipped the CNY celebration with the paternal since I didn't have the mood to. Usually, we will do a small gathering over picnic with Mama and the rest. But this year was different since Mama is not around, so drove down to the cemetery instead to pay Mama a visit.

I had a private moment with her. Just like how I would usually pour my hearts out to her. It was a teary moment for me. I couldn't even bother much when people walk past me. I was just basically talking and telling Mama everything.

"Mama, you have always wanted Deen (that's how Mama always spell D's name) to be the one that marries me and taking care of me kan? He is Mama. Insyaallah! Your wish is coming true. We are getting engaged this year and will be getting married next year. The same month Adik & Ressal got married. The same month of your birthday and the same month of my birthday, both our birthdays. =') And Deen's parents is coming over next month to see Ayah to ask for the hand-in-marriage, I'm sure if you're around you'll cook good food for us. I haven't got any idea yet what to cook for them and I'm afraid my cooking is nothing compared to anyone. And I hope Deen's parents will like me too. =') I hope his parents will accept and love me like how you and Ayah have taken good care of me all these years, and the same thing with Deen. I miss you a lot Mama. I wish you were here. It's hard to handle certain things that I am unsure of. You have always make things seems so easy for us. I'll always pray for you and I know that no matter what it is, Allah SWT and you are always here for me and with me. Doa kan yang baik-baik for us okay, Ma which you have always did. I see you soon Mama."

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After which, I decided to go for Café hunting since I was feeling hungry and most food stalls at close for the CNY.

Do check out Flavour Flings! The best thing it's Halal. A Halal version of Boufe Cafe, well at least that's what I feel and I don't mind coming back here again. Yummeh!

XOXO,

Princess Azie Anni ♥