¨°o.O (Post) O.o° 2259 hours
Don’t you feel all appreciative enough about me at all? All the sacrifices I’m willing to make just for you all these years? =’(
Remember those days when you were still trying to chase after me. That very first day! I could have not bothered about you at all. You weren’t my choice, you weren’t even the type of guy that I would go. In fact, you were different from the other guys I have usually been with because the guys that I’ve been with were always the one who were rather, fair in their skin tone because I like fair guys *roll eyes*, intellectually “assemble” and somehow I know being with that person would give me a better prospect financially.
However, I don’t know why this empty heart decides to give you a chance and we did. Being friends with you, talking to you on that phone for hours and just hours even though I was already attached and meeting you after I broke up with my previous boyfriend, it was all a choice that I could have actually avoided. But still, I went on with it. I could have give up half-way being with you but you were the ONLY guy that I keep telling myself to go on with because as far as I’m concern, once a guy give me shit, I will throw them out of my life no matter how hurtful I’ll be. After all, I’m a FUCKING GEMINI. And a GEMINI moves on so easily trust me!
But probably, you were the one for me. Probably, you were my soul mate. Probably, Allah made me from the right bone of yours, I don’t know.
Secondary school:-
I spend those fucking hours just to sit down and help you! Yes, unrealistic? But you know I was better at you in everything! My teachers had always trained me straight into O’levels subjects rather than N’levels. I taught you Mathematics, Science, Malay, Art and be it everything for your O’levels subjects except English. I encouraged you to do well, encouraged you to attend your CCA, just like me so that you could have some CCA points when you graduate till you even make it to a Polytechnic and not ITE! And every day I have to listen to teachers saying things about us! They keep hinting on us each time during lessons break. Like saying,
“The girlfriend is a student of honour roll, while the guy is not. I wonder who would be the one working for the family if they ever get married”
“I don’t know why nowadays, girls don’t think of their future when they choose to be with someone.”
And not forgetting, since my school doesn’t encourage BGR, yes, it was even up of one of our school rules! NO BOY GIRL RELATIONSHIP. I would always get caught, got question by teachers asking why I chose to be with you and asking us to break up because my teachers wants me to continue to be an honour roll student and not to even get distracted by any relationship. I was even called up in the library to attend some stupid BGR lesson conducted by the counselor teachers. GOSH! No one would understand that I never bring relationship & studies together. They were always a two different thing in my life and I know how to juggle it. But my teachers were too afraid that this particular one & only Malay student at that point of time that could do well will have her future ruin over a relationship.
Trust me, it sound easy but it never was. I have to face all these shits everyday! I can’t even go to school with you or even have lunch with you during recess or even after school because the teachers are always looking out for us. And even if I do so, I would get caught and lectured over and over again. While other students could have their lunch peacefully with their boyfriend!
And teachers expect me to get A every time! And hello, which human on the earth would always do well and get A every time?! I do get B and C at times too! But sometimes, when I get B, the teachers would wrote me a ‘See me later’ at my paper while my other friends don’t. They will only get a ‘See Me’ written on their paper if they fail the test horribly. Yes, my best friends used to laugh at me for that ‘See Me’ each time I got on my paper for scoring a B or C. -_-‘ And so, when I met up with my teacher, she would go on and on asking if I had any problem with my relationship and if I was studying, if I was distracted and is it the cause of me getting B. Like WHAT THE SHIT I tell you! It’s NORMAL isn’t it?! Getting Bs and Cs?! I’m NO genius, sometimes the paper were just hard!
Fine that was those horrible in Secondary school days I had and yes, you guys knows no shit about it!
Poly days:
I scored well to even get myself a place in JC and other Polytechnics like Singapore Poly and etc etc etc but what?! I sacrifice those just to enter Republic Poly so that I could encourage you to do well in school. You were telling me how hard life was to cope at RP and how you hate going to school alone and feeling afraid to enter class and getting a C every time. Being a Gemini, well, being myself, I know I adapt everywhere and anywhere well. I sacrifice my F future just to enter that school. Trust me, I don’t even know what I was doing! Sacrificing my future for you! SO STUPID!
Each time I have to receive unpleasant remarks of people saying. You did well for O’levels! But why RP?! I couldn’t answer them with a “Oh, it was because I want to be with the pillar of strength to my boyfriend.” People would definitely think I’m such an asshole. So, I always avoided saying those, in exchange saying I want to try something different, something new. Which is so stupid! But yes, I adapted in RP quite well and was always scoring As. But guess what you did to me?! You still end up skipping classes despite that sacrifice I made! If I knew that is how you were going to repay me, I would have chosen hospitality courses from other polytechnic or even do A’levels and have higher chance to be in the University! TRUST ME!
NS days:
Somehow you were already out of my life. I have somehow moved on. But you didn’t tell anyone that you were going to NS. It was a last minute thing that you hide from everyone and you didn’t have money to get yourself a non-camera phone and other necessities to be bought for your NS enlistment. So that was the time you decided to phone me and tell me everything. I was in the midst of doing my FYP project and practicing + memorizing for our presentation, which the next day was our Final Year Project 2 presentation! But guess what I did?! I left the place just to meet you to settle your NS stuff. THANK GOD I pass with GOOD GRADES, else there goes my future!
From there, we started contacting each other back. And for that, EVERY Friday WITHOUT fail, I would fetch you home. Which idiot would just wake up early in the morning just to travel from CCK all the way to Pasir Ris to fetch her boyf, wasting her Ez Link fare and return back home for nothing?! I wasn’t even working at that point of time and money was just wasted blindly. Even his friends were amazed and said, “Your girlfriend is so sweet, fetching you on every book out without fail.” Still he NEVER appreciates me still.
I know this sound stupid. I’m writing this fucking long just because he was smoking behind my back. I mean, I don’t mind him smoking, well I do mind A LOT but as long as he is not a heavy smoker or rather addicted to it, it should be fine. Social smoker is fine, go ahead. All I wanted him to do was to tell me the truth! The fact he lied to me when I asked him if he smoked at Australia and he said ‘No’. I FUCKING TRUSTED HIM!
And the next thing you know, his friends uploaded pictures of him at Australia smoking a cigarette. Who are you trying to kid? Trying to lie?! I’m not some idiot or fool to be fooled around like this. And thank God Diniy was there for me, he told me how to go about asking him about the smoking thingy. He was shocked to how I found out finally after much interrogation, he own up. I don’t care if he smoke or what but the fact he lied to me. I swear I hate it and I can’t trust him anymore.
Once a person lie to me and if I ever find out the truth that he/she is lying, I will never trust that person for life, because if you can lie to me now, you will lie again in the future. So the best thing, don’t even try LYING to me. I HATE IT TO THE CORE! HATE IT TO THE MAXIMUM! Because the fact that I TRUSTED you and you fucking destroy it! I FUCKING HATE THAT FEELING! FUCK YOU!
I just realized everything that I highlighted was in GREEN in colour! From my secondary school, our school logo and skirt are mostly in Green. My polytechnic is also in green and his Army uniform is also green. I bet we have to stay far away that is green. -_-‘
Right now, I’m even thinking if I should go on with this relationship because I have no more trust left for him. What’s the use being with someone that you know you can’t even trust?! Isn’t relationship is all about trust? And if I can’t trust him, might as well we break up right?! And seeing him so easy to lie to me after he actually promise and swear that he is not going to do it, I find that our relationship is so much about a lie too. He promise stuff and he don’t even care about upholding them and I don’t want a guy like that as my future husband. Contemplating for break up~
XOXO,
Princessazie Bella<3
Elena Gilbert(:
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