When I'm gone

¨°o.O (Post) O.o° 0101 hours

Dear diary,

I feel sad each time when I had a tiff with Muhammad. I don’t know when our relationship as brother and sister would be able to foster. And it was all because of drumlets from KFC. All I was asking was for him to leave some drumlets for Ayah because I bought those for Ayah and he was eating all till it almost finishes. After which, he kept cursing the drumlets for God knows why, the drumlets were innocent for heaven sake.

I talked to him nicely and he got angry because he wanted the chicken and he felt I was just interfering out of the blue telling him all these. Because of that, he kept shouting unnecessary and unpleasant comments at me. And for certainty, I did not shout at him, call him names or whatever. He went on and on till for about 10-15 minutes that I had to ask what was wrong with him, could he stop it already.

He even got more annoyed and shouted back at me. Mama heard us and scolded him because he wasn’t even feeling blessed and grateful at all for the food, instead otherwise.

For some reason, I just had a feeling that Muhammad will tweet about me and boy, I was right. Don’t ask me why but I always have this instinct that I would know what people will do to me be it good or bad. And sometimes, Allah S.A.W will just show it. And it only happens when I’m close to that person.

It’s really sad when I read this because no matter how angry I am sometimes, I refrain myself to tweeting and even if I had to tweet because I’m feeling so low, I refrain from mentioning and using names. Just look at the way he tweet, that little respect he have for me as his eldest.

And dear diary, I have really tried. I really tried so hard to be responsible because I'm the eldest in the family. I tried to be a good sister to my siblings; I tried to be a filial daughter to my two wonderful parents. I tried to be a loving girlfriend to B. And not forgetting, tried to be a better Muslimah for Allah S.A.W & for my aftermath. Being concern for the people I love.

I have never expected anything in return at all. Not good things definitely, not bad things as well. I guess it's true, when I'm no longer around then people will start to realize. And it will be all too late already. Wish I could say this but I am still going to say it, “Just please, don’t even bother crying at my funeral when I'm gone because you're supposed to appreciate me when I'm alive, not when I'm dead.”

Princessazie Bella<3
Elena Gilbert(: