Allah's Plan For You and Me

Dear Diary,

Woke up early in the morning to attend my Riding Theory Lesson, RTL 1.01 and RTL 1.02 today. I was feeling rather sleepy throughout the lesson since I didn't really had enough sleep. Each lesson was about 2 hours, so I end up spending 4 good hours at the Driving centre today. Hurhur! Just like how you would picture an Engineering class would be, the same thing it is today. The class was overcrowded with the XY chromosomes.

After which, I had Roti Prata for brunch at Thohirah's.

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Ellie Goulding - Love Me Like You Do

You're the light, you're the night
 You're the color of my blood
 You're the cure, you're the pain
You're the only thing I wanna touch
 Never knew that it could mean so much, so much

 You're the fear, I don't care
 Cause I've never been so high
 Follow me to the dark
 Let me take you past our satellites

 You can see the world you brought to life, to life
 So love me like you do, love me like you do
 Love me like you do, love me like you do
 Touch me like you do, touch me like you do
 What are you waiting for?

My emotional are rather unstable nowadays, you can call it. One moment I'm happy like on cloud nine. That is because I have this brain-filter which can filter my pain for a good few hours before I start feeling all so depress again. Which I don't know how long will this last, how long will this go on.

So I was feeling rather okay today, doing my usual routine when something just appeared on my timeline as soon as I finished my run. Itchy fingers!  I was quite prepared, SOMEHOW. I mean I did tell myself before. If one day, things like this were to happen, how will I handle it? How will I go through it? How will I get over it?

I was expecting myself to cry so hard but I did not. I was pretty much calm when I saw it, surprisingly. I compose myself. Look at it again. Zoom in. Zoom out. And then................

That face, I thought to myself.
That face that were rather unique to me, that was able to make me feel so rejoice.
That were able to ease my worries and problems each time when I look at it.

That smile, I thought to myself.
That was the smile that you greeted me with before.
Those smile that turn into laughter each time when I'm behaving so clumsy or when I speak bluntly or naively of things, 95% of the time.

Those eyes, I thought to myself.
Those pair of eyes, is the way you look at me and tell me I still look beautiful despite being a plain jane.
Those pair of eyes that used to cry for me, for us, over what happened.

But sadly, that twice moment that those eyes cried for me could not be compared with the number of days I've been crying until now. It feels like my eyes could bleed sometimes. But I wasn't born in this world to revenge or to be mean to anyone despite everything that happened. "You're a nice girl." And I can just hear people keep repeating this to me over and over again. Sometimes I hate being nice. But I guess that's just me. I still keep you in my prayers every single day. That's the best I can do for you.

And God! Why am I crying now?! I'm NOT supposed to cry. I'm supposed to be okay, to feel okay!

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Ya Allah. I put my whole trust in You. I know You know what is best for me. It may feel that everything doesn't fall in place right now for me, but everything happens by the will of Allah. Whatever You will happens, and whatever You do not, does not happen. I know this tormenting, painful moment and heartache is nothing because You will not burden me with something that I am not capable of going through. With every hard ship comes ease. And it is through this obstacles, it shows how much You love me because you chose me. It's through this hurdle, it shows that all I need now is You and no one else. It's through this sadness, I become closer to You.

Things are always not what they seems. It may not be of something I wish. I might not be able to see the bigger picture now. But Insyaallah, one day I will.

"Be patient, Allah have His plan. And Fulfilling Allah's plan for us requires that we silence the voice of our own desire, open ourselves to Allah, and look within with total sincerity. It takes courage, patience and determination. It is the path to Jannah (Paradise), Insha'Allah." - From Allah's Plan For You and Me

Till here. I probably need some rest now.

XOXO,
Princess Azie Anni.