Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Post-BTO Selection

Dear Diary,

Today was the day, it was our house selection day. I shall no longer brag about how last my queue number was.

So anyway, D parents picked me up at 8.15am from home and drove us to the HDB Hub, Toa Payoh. We were all of course quite blur since it was D and my first time there and D's parents first time after 5 years I'm supposed? Lol! We reached the HDB Hub at around 8.45am and took the lift up to the 3rd storey, leading to the showcase floor where you can see approximately how all the different 2-room, 2-room flexi, 3-room, 4-room and 5-room flat will look like, feel like, especially their size in sqm. Since we were quite kiasu, so we skipped the showroom and decided to head down to the appointment area first and to come back later.

We reached the appointment area of HDB Hub and D typed his IC out on the system and tadaaaa, we received our queue number slip. We went to the information counter and the person said, they'll call us up at around 9.45am (our fix timing given) which was an hour later from what time it was. Tsk! My friend told me that if we come earlier than the first person who has an appointment before us, we will be served first but apparently not. Smirking smiley



D's parents was super excited about us getting a flat especially in Bukit Panjang area, they were so eager to look at the 3D model of the unit we wanted to choose. Hehehe! And so was my dad actually. I had Ayah's laptop on with the Bukit Panjang site map early in the morning before I left for my HDB appointment just to see and reconfirm what I wanted again. (Already the night before I couldn't sleep and went to bed only at 3am. :tired:) At the same time to confide and update Ayah on the new block that D and I might be choosing instead of the old one since it was already gone with the wind.

Of course, Ayah wasn't very keen initially on the new block that I wanted to choose because it was facing the Chinese temple, but that is the second best (I THINK) house to choose from in terms of view and less obstructions around the flat. I'm really very concern when it comes to the pemandangan (like Ayah would say. Hahaha!) The service yard is free from facing other people's house and have a rooftop garden view and so is my living room + bedroom, apart from the Chinese temple, there's another rooftop garden in front of it. And I really hope there's wind ~ ~ ~ breezing in.

So yes, I kinda left home with a heavy heart and undecided still when D texted me that his parents was already waiting for me at the loading area to pick me up. Not realizing, I left the HDB page opened on my Ayah's laptop. Half-way at the expressway, Ayah called me excitedly (apparently, he studied the page) and told me that the block was quite good since the temple is a bit far (hopefully) and the amenities around that area was good. He put down the phone and called me again the next second and said the block is really really good this time. LOLOLS! image D chuckled away at the back and said my dad can be funny-cute sometimes and said that I behave exactly like my dad. I disagree okay. I don't. Okay, maybe the indecisive part. confused emoticon

While in the car, I had the HDB site on in my phone and I kept questioning D if we are making the right decision in choosing the other block with the Chinese temple view. Since, the Chinese temple is.......really........causing.....me.....so....much...........doubts......dot dot dot.
 
         

And all D did was to keep laughing at me because he probably find my indecisiveness quite amusing. I can just be this indecisive. So I gave up while in the car and took a short nap and told D to let his parents decide rather, when we reach the HDB Hub.

Palm Emoticon Palm Emoticon Palm Emoticon

D parents "studied" the 3D model of the flat that we wanted to choose and their first option was of course the block we wanted to choose initially but knowing only lower unit floor that was only left, they were half-hearted about it too. I'm okay in staying at the lower floor since my current house now is only 3rd storey "high" but D and his parents stays at the 11th storey, so they are used to staying and be at higher floor. At the same time, I tried to accommodate to D preferences as well.



I then told D parents about the next block we wanted to choose as our next option and they said, it was good enough too. D parents wasn't concern much on the Chinese temple but more of what is going to be built opposite of our flat, since there is an empty plot there. I guess it probably be a high rise condominium, but I don't think it will block our view that much since we are facing the KJE, but not to near to be disturbed with traffic noises but hopefully to get good wind, good breeze.

With that, we, I, rather somehow come to a conclusion on that block (still feeling half-hearted about it) and the next indecisive thing we had was...which storey, which floor since that particular block has still quite a few high units left. Lol! And since that was the only thing left to decide and we are still early, we had breakfast at Delifrance while waiting for our appointment time.


After much discussion, we decided to take 8th storey unit instead. I'm slightly afraid of height after yesterday when I tried to go up to the 20th floor of another HDB house and while standing near the rubbish chute with the wind blowing so strong, looking down at our BTO site, it makes me feel slightly scared. I thought I was going to be blown away by the wind. Lol!

Balloon Emoticon Balloon Emoticon Balloon Emoticon

At 9.30am, we went back to the appointment waiting area, and continued looking at the 3D model when D's mom called us and said our queue number has been called up. We proceed to the room that was flashed on the screen, with D's parents following us too.

The good thing, we had the corner counter and this Malay lady had 2 small stool next to her and so all 4 of us get to sit down. So the lady asked us which appointment we're here for, is it the May or the August BTO, is it for the Bukit Panjang or Sembawang one. I was quite surprised that she asked, so I told her for the Bukit Panjang one of course. And she asked us, if we still wanted the Sembawang one, else she can proceed us with the Sembawang.

I didn't know they can actually do that, like as long as I have a queue number and I secure 2 queue number BTO at hands, I can use the nearest appointment to book for the later appointment. I could have gotten the best unit for Sembawang if I were to make a selection today in order to avoid leftover units, since my queue number for Sembawang was also quite far and the appointment is not till January 2017. BUT...we only came prepared for Bukit Panjang and I don't want to disappoint both of our parents, they are only keen on Bukit Panjang and not Sembawang either. I still remember D's dad were saying something, some remarks when he saw Sembawang and Bukit Batok 3D model. Thus, explaining they only prefer Bukit Panjang area.

So the lady asked us for the unit we have decided on, funny how D and I look at each other so blur and he just came up and chose the 12th storey. HAHAHAHAHAHA! I just cannot. How we jumped from 8th floor to 12th storey out of sudden. I guess it must be Allah's way of making this decision for us. D's mom was happy about the floor but she prefer higher floor that she even suggested us to take the 20th storey and I told her I cannot do it 20th storey, it's too high for me. Lol! And she was like "Azie takut eh tinggi-tinggi?" Like yes, I am and I have never stayed so high up like that. So while selecting the unit, D's mom saw 14th floor was also available and she was like "Achid! Tingkat 14 ada kosong." And D was like "Sudah, nanti nak terberak ke apa, nak tunggu sampai lift naik sampai ke rumah, tak sampai-sampai." I can just picture me! Omigod, almost every single day, I always left some things at home. I'll reach 1st storey and run back up to home to get it. Sometimes, I have already walked to the interchange and I realized I forgot some things and I'll walk back home. =X So I cannot imagine staying at higher floor. Tsk.

So the lady explained to us some things here and there, which I was seriously so gong about things. My usual "ah ah ah" but never understand some things. She asked if wanted the flooring and door to be built together, looking blur, she somehow knew we haven't seen them yet, so she told us to proceed to the 'flooring & door showcase' at the waiting area to have a look at the tiles and door if we wanted them included.


So D's parents and D was asking what flooring we wanted, if we wanted all Polished Porcelain or Vinyl Strip for our home. D prefer the Vinyl Strip flooring while I told them, I wanted Polished Porcelain for the living room (since it's almost off white colour, it can go with any wall colour painting) and Vinyl Strip for our bedroom to add one some flooring contrast in our house. So D and his parents said, we can go back and ask the lady if they can do that for us, 2 different floorings. WAH! Confidently! I bebual macam faham ah please. Contrast lah, match wall colour painting lah. HAHAHAHAHA! When we went back, the lady said, it's not up to us to choose which flooring we want, the flooring is by default, whatever is written there, it's whatever we will get. HAHAHAHAHAHA! image Zzzzz! HAHAHAHA! But I was happy because, it's exactly what I wanted. Hehehe! I was teasing D that I wanted marble flooring instead and he was like "U nak I kerja sampai mati ke?"  Hehehehe! I was just pulling his leg.


And I wanted to "choose" this door than the rest of other door available. Hahaha! And guess what? This door is default ours too. Alhamdulilah!

The lady then discuss with us the payment etc etc etc. We did a 5% down payment on our CPF for our house and then D did a deposit of $2,000 which we will get back by cheque in 3 months time. However, if we cancel the booking of our house, the $2,000 payment will be forfeited. After the administration stuff, we are good to go and to come back only in 3 months time, with the finalization estimation of the payment of our house after deducting grant and etc etc etc.

D's mom was like "Eh dah pilih kan rumah. Jom jom tengok rumah (3D model) tu lagi." So we went over to the 3D model structure and D's dad started counting the 12th storey of that block and went "Ni rumah korang kan. Achid, sign nama kau kat situ." Excited parents. Hehehehehe! Ayah was excited too, at 3pm he called me and asked me whether my appointment went smoothly. He was so shocked that we took or rather I agreed to take the 12th storey one. Lol! He was like "Mak oi, Tinggi nya!" Hahahaha!

We did finally visit the different 2-room, 2-room flexi, 3-room, 4-room and 5-room flat showcase room. Looking at the design and furniture arrangement etc, makes me feel so excited to have my own house already. Okay, 6 years from now. All the best. Hahahaha!

So after the appointment, D's parents send me off to work and they send D back to HTA since he was still having his ongoing course + practical test.

---

Everyone was pretty excited asking me about the house I have booked. They looked at our housing floor plan and also the site plan.

So according to some of my colleagues at work..

1) We chose the block that consist a lot of 2 rooms & 3 rooms flat and should have chose the other 2 blocks that have only 4 rooms and 5 rooms unit instead. I know this is being a bit too judgmental but there is somehow a factual to it. According to some of my colleagues, I hate to say this but you know those or rather SOME (not saying all) Malay couples probably "don't do too well" like yang tak betul kind or I'll like to say the hanyut kind, probably go for smaller flats and probably be noisy or be the lepak-lepak, mat rep kindaaaaaa. But some of my colleagues tell me to pray hard because it could be elderly people who just wants to downgrade to a smaller unit because their children are all married, which I hope.

2) The temple. According to some of my colleagues who stayed near temples say, it depends if the temple are the 'active' or the 'not so active' kind. Because those active temples kind will be quite noisy on a regular basis while those that are not so active kind, won't be that noisy. Maybe just occasionally.

And after work, D and I drop by to his brother's place to deliver his SIL their air fryer. Upon knowing that we already chose our flat, they too wanted to see our floor plan and site plan.

According to his brother, Sadiq. (I am not that sure what he work as, probably an interior designer if I am not wrong. D ever told me before but I didn't really pay much attention.) He said, we chose one of the good unit because it was a corner unit and our block doesn't get obstructed with any other surrounding unit, we are basically on our own - good views too. Lol! Furthermore, we are on the 12th storey high. And Sadiq did mention that by right our block should be gone by now because of how the block is like but surprisingly there is still quite a number of units left, which I have no idea why too. Must be the temple. Smirking smiley The good thing upon seeing our floor plan, Sadiq & Maria has already suggested some things here and there, like where we can place the dining table, where to place mirror to make the house look big etc etc etc.  Hehehe!

But all in all, we are half-way settle and good to go for now. Just awaiting for the SHG/AHG grant for approval which will take about few months time. I hope everything will go well and I hope my future house in 6 years time or hopefully be ready faster pleaseeeeeee and will serve my future family great love & happiness full of Iman & Takwah. Insyaallah. Amin.

Till here.

XOXO,
Princess Azie Anni 

Pre-Selection BTO

Dear Diary,

I guess my istikharah prayers have somehow been answered. I was initially undecided between the BTO of Bukit Panjang VS Sembawang, since both have their equal pros and cons. So I said my prayers to Allah SWT, if Bukit Panjang is good for us, then we will be able to make the cut for the HDB appointment, else we won't and just help us exceed the ethnic quota to just better relief us from getting Bukit Panjang ones.

However, seeing the ethnic quota count for the day and knowing I have some chances left, I actually stand by the computer the whole morning today at work. I left the 'Flats Available for Selection' of the HDB website of my 'aim' block and unit page opened throughout. I refreshed the page for like every half an hour and I just couldn't wait for the clock to strike 5.30pm, hopefully that will be the last appointment for the day and my 'aim' block and unit will be left untouched and not booked.

SADLY! Yes SADLY, at 4.45pm one of the unit I wanted in the 9th floor was taken. And I was left with the last unit on 11th floor to choose from because the rest are lower floors. Considering my queue number is the last 3 of the queue number that is within the available units offered, I, of course did not have much choice left to choose from all the units that is available now. Plus, is not very keen on the lower floor units and prefer higher ones, so of course, many have already been taken. Tsk.

Anyway, I was pining my hope high on the 11th floor unit, this time I got slightly distracted from work, I kept refreshing the page every 15 minutes till 5.30pm. BUT suddenly, at 5.31pm, the unit at 11th floor got booked right in front of my eyes, it just turned RED. Good gracious me! It turned RED, RIGHT in front of my eyes!!!  I just cannot describe the feeling at that point of time. Like, I wanted to just throw a whole tantrum around in the office, roll on the floor crying and screaming my hearts out BUT..of course I did not.

So I was complaining and telling D, that when the whole flat is ready, whoever this people who took my 'aim' flat away, at that block, at that unit number,
 

Hahahaha! Okay, just kidding. I won't kill you maybe that's too extreme BUT...


Yessss! ðŸ˜”😔😔😔

I was interested with the 7th storey unit of  one particular block BUT...the problem is, nowadays the carpark comes with a rooftop and apparently this carpark + rooftop is quite high, so even the unit at level 7th will be blocked by the carpark & rooftop. I don't want anything blocking or obstructing my view when it comes to house, I don't want my living room or windows to face the carpark either, seeing cars going in and out. neutral Plus, I'm afraid that there will be no wind due to the obstruction, making the house feel hot and stuffy being blocked by tall/high buildings or carpark in this case. Thus, I prefer higher floors BUT all were already taken.

Alternatively, I had to make another choice since my appointment is tomorrow. I wanted another unit on the same floor, next to my 'aim' unit. My 'aim' unit is B and I wanted to go for A, next to it. BUT, the service yard at A is horrible. It's facing against 4 other houses service yards as you can see how I circle A, as I was showing it to D. 4 other surrounding buildings around it, I bet no sun or wind is going to be able to enter to shine or dry my laundry since the surrounding buildings are quite high too. Compared to B, the laundry is facing the B I've circled, so facing outwards, no building blocking, better wind, better sun, I supposed. Plus building A, I don't want to face and see other people while we are all doing laundry together. Lolols! The higher and top unit for this building will have a good laundry feel since the wind will be better at the higher floor but 30th storey is way too high for me, nope. =;


D suggested taking unit B at the 7th floor since 8th floor and above is already taken. I could just blindly agree with him but I am a person who scrutinize things and is this serious when making decision, especially in choosing our house. Like my friend said, it's almost our whole life investment, you have to love it or like it at least, or else, you're just buying it for nothing. To the extend that I wanted to go down to Bukit Panjang area and go up to any 7th floor new BTO houses that has a carpark + rooftop view, just to see if the 7th floor unit does get obstructed by the carpark + rooftop.

D of course seeing me so anxious, so "keen", so semangat, he decided to "accompany" me. The funny thing, I told him not to accompany me because I told him I can go recce the place on my own, I know he was feeling a bit lazy/tired despite him trying to tell me that he wanted to "accompany" me because he kept telling me there's NOTHING to see there, hoping that I go home. But I'm very determined like that, and when I "gave" him the green light not to accompany me, he bluntly agree and said he will be on standby in case I get myself lost in Bukit Panjang. I actually just wanted to see his effort of doing things for us actually, so many things I'm the one settle kan okay. Tsk! So, I got slightly annoyed and all I had to say was "You on standby? U never even make effort for our house. You are the one who wanted this Bukit Panjang place okay." All I had to say was that and the next sentence was "Ok...I leaving house now, I call you when I reach." Hahahahahahahaha! lol Funny boy. When he met me, he told me this, "I actually dah siap dah tadi. I know you will say something, I was just waiting for that to come. The moment you cakap aje, fuhhh, I terus mcm flash keluar rumah terus." HAHAHAHAHA! Basket. Guess he knows me well now. Hehehe!

So we went up one of the block at the 7th storey that has a carpark + rooftop garden, apparently, the carpark wasn't that high and wasn't obstructing the view at the 7th storey and I was just wondering why HDB put up this on their site on the unit I wanted to choose,



And D finally figure it out, there is going to be a supermarket and eating house at and near the carpark, that was the reason why the carpark + rooftop was higher compared to other carpark + rooftop garden. Thus, only the unit at 8th storey and above will be higher than the main roof garden (without having the carpark + rooftop obstruction).

Sad.

D and I sat down at a nearby block and started discussing to choose a whole different unit now. I honestly feel so sad because I was really aiming for that unit B at higher floors. The living room and bedroom window at B unit will have the main roof garden view and the service yard balcony will face another main roof garden at another block = perfect view and surrounding. I won't go for lower floors in that unit although I like it very much because not having obstruction around the house is important to me, in this case the carpark. My current house now doesn't have any obstruction to any flats except my secondary school which is only 3 storey high and I love how the wind can easily breeze through my house and feel cold at night.

We decided on another block and another unit, this time the unit have higher floors available but the main roof garden is not that high. And what makes me sceptical about it, it's...


The yellow arrow pointing towards direction, it's a Chinese Temple that is going to be built there. That is where the living room and bedroom windows will be facing, and I shall not further elaborate more. And before we left, D and I actually went to another block right up to the 20th storey to see the whole area of the flat land Bukit Panjang BTO, still under construction. Hehe!

And yes, I am still undecided. I have my answer to go for Bukit Panjang BTO but probably have no idea what block or unit it shall be. So stressful. I have like 9 hours from now to choose properly before my selection. Hurhurhurhurhurhurhurhurhur! And I have to thank my colleague, Eileen. She actually sat down with me in the office till everyone left discussing on the unit for me to consider since the one I wanted have already been taken.

Till here, I'm supposed to sleep since my appointment is in the morning tomorrow and D's parents is fetching me at 8am but house decision still comes first.

XOXO,
Princess Azie Anni 
#PrayforAzie

Friday, November 25, 2016

House of Aim

Dear Diary,

The past few days have been horrendous, needless to say that D and I end up quarrelling every single day. This is by far the most baffled period of time that we had to go through. There is always something that seems to piss me off and make me so enrage about, plus I am already grumpy and grouchy enough every single day.

I know there are times when I'm mad, I can say the meanest things with the highest level of sarcasm, sarcastic remarks. Though as much as I try to control my tongue, it never work, but never to the extend of using vulgarities. I never believe in using swearing words when angry. Once you allow yourself to be doing that to each other, trust me, you'll start losing respect for one another. So no matter how angry - respect, respect, respect and still respect.

And neither am I taking advantage of that boy's patience towards me just because he has always been tolerable about everything that I am. Just that the situation sometimes doesn't permit me to keep my cool so much and I JUST had to explode. I am quite short-tempered to be honest.

So as promised, I wanted to start afresh, all over again. Nothing can be quite compared how much I truly love D. We tried to go through a day without quarrelling at least today, which we almost quite fail because I got angry over another thing and D was trying so hard to convince and explain to me about stuff. Hurmph

I don't know if this is the engagement trials you call them. It has only been 2 months ++ of engagement and trust me, we have never gone through so much of a quarrelling quite like these for all the times we've been together before. I guess that's when people say, you have to fight for each other and it's either you guys will make it or break it. We both did a fair part of fighting in this. D never fail to keep fighting for us and ironically I'm fighting too, but fighting against us. :/ But like I said, not that I purposely wanted to be this difficult but there are just some things that always angers me so much. If it's not us, it's some others. ðŸ˜”😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 And if you google about the types or trials one could face during an engagement (not necessarily happen to all), hands down to all these people.  They are somewhat true.

Cherry Blossom Cherry Blossom Cherry Blossom

First time ever D and I ever talked on the phone together for so long today - 1 hr 30 mins. Unlike other couples, we rarely talked on the phone, so it was somehow a joy for me today yet maybe the cons, I start to realize talking on the phone thingy is not for me anymore. House chores and everything got stalled for a moment for that period of 1 hour plus. Lol! But the pros is that I realized no matter how much we quarrel like Noah and Allie from the Notebook each and everyday, cehhhh. Hahaha! I know for one thing, D love me and I myself, have always enjoyed D's company so much that I do not want the conversation to end. I love him, a lot.


And then we realized our HDB appointment is like in 3 days away. Syukur Alhamdulilah! At the back of our hands, we secure a queue number for both Bukit Panjang BTO and Sembawang @ East Delta BTO. I leave everything in the hands of God. If Allah SWT thinks Bukit Panjang is good for us, then by all means. Else, if we fail to get the one at Bukit Panjang, we shall go for the Sembawang ones.

Pathetically, our queue number for Bukit Panjang BTO is 523 out of 525 and Sembawang @ East Delta BTO queue number was at least so much better. Hurhur! So yeahs! We are sort of the last few couple to close the deal of Bukit Panjang BTO queue number that is within the available units. I used to complain so much about not getting a queue number for the many number of times of our failed applications but I have to thank Allah SWT, for His plans are always the best for us. I cannot imagine staying at Bukit Batok or any other ridiculous areas that we ever tried applying before for the sake of getting a house. Mostly, were out of the way and...no other amenities around or bus stop. LOL!

So my recent check for Bukit Panjang BTO, the ethnic quota for D and I (Malay) are left about 38 people and we're left until Monday to do a final check/update for the ethnic quota that will be left for that BTO. I don't think they have any appointments on the weekends (Saturday), hopefully not. Because I've already aimed for one particular block and the unit that I wanted BUT it is so risky. Chances of the flats getting taken or book could not only be by any Malay couple but other races also lorr.

And it is so depressing to see, when Malay couples kept applying on a certain block, the number of the Malay ethnic quota for that particular block gets lesser and lesser, which also means the chances of D and I getting that unit within that block is thin too. Technically out of 6 blocks in Bukit Panjang, 2 blocks have reached to 0 Malay quota already. Tskkk! Everyday when I end work at around 5.30pm, I'll visit the HDB website just to make sure that MY HOUSE, okay technically the house that I am AIMING for is still left untouched and not booked. Lol! Funny, my colleague Eileen too, will be excited for me and asked how is my flat doing each time. Hahahaha!

But every time when I think about how longggggggg this Bukit Panjang BTO takes to get completed, makes me feel bereaved. 6 years from now and 5 years from after our wedding day. So freaking long! Tell me about it.  But whatever it is, Allah SWT have His plans.

And oh why not Sembawang? Actually Sembawang @ East Delta BTO was our 2nd back up if we don't get the ones at Bukit Panjang. But D's parents and my dad are more keen on us getting Bukit Panjang BTO, the reason being they said Bukit Panjang is better than Sembawang due to the amenities and of course, it's nearer to both of our parents' places. :tired: So okay lah. Unless we don't get the BTO at Bukit Panjang, then we'll choose the BTO at Sembawang @ East Delta. And I don't mind Sembawang anyway because it has more balconyyyyyy units and it will be ready in 4 years time and 3 years time from our wedding. K. Hahaha!

Excitingly, we haven't even get our house yet and I'm already discussing with D on how I wanted our house to look like. mrgreen Hahaha! So, I cannot imagine how other couples even feel when they have their own house or house keys at hands already. I envy couples who get to move-in into their house right after marriage or maybe few months after their marriage before having kids yet, at least they get to spend quality together just the two of them before the kids come into the picture. Hehe! But like D always remind me "Ni kan rezeki masing-masing sayang." True to that.

Oh anyway, I actually wanted a transparent toilet in the master bedroom but D doesn't agree with me on that. Tskkkkkkkk!! But well, about that, we can discuss this again in 6 to 5 years down the road.  But I think it will be a less of a good idea because D said, "Takkan kita nak buat transparent toilet dalam bilik kita, then kalau budak-budak masuk bilik kita, then tengok, like that???" Hmm...by then, we will probably have children, Insyaallah, who knows. And I cannot imagine having to bring my kids out of the master bedroom just because D or I needed to use the toilet or have them entering our room while D or I are using the toilet. Hahahaha! Erm..yeahs. D did make a point there.

Till here dreaming of my house but not having house yet. Smirking smiley

XOXO,
Princess Azie Anni 

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Hj Maimunah, Yay or Nay.

Dear Diary,

1115 hours

I was supposed to go out for lunch at Hj Maimunah, Geylang/Arab St. with D and his family later today, when I decided to back out last minute and tell him to proceed without me. And I thought to myself, as much as I'm feeling happy to go out with him and his family, the fact, I'm only an outsider. They could be wanting to have their own family time, so what am I doing there? Yes, I may no longer have Mama around with me and I miss family time with my own family but why do I have to tumpang on someone else's happiness? Someone else's family?

Maybe I think so much more than anyone else could ever think of something. I find that D is so close to his sister and so is his sister to him. And I find myself such an hindrance between them whenever I'm there. They could be wanting a brother & sister time together and because of me, they can't because I'll definitely stick to D throughout because I'm still awkward around his family. Plus I don't want to trouble his family to fetch me here and there. So paiseh and menyusahkan.

I once, felt that way when Adik kept bringing my BIL to our family gathering. LOLOLS! But that was then lahhhh, many years ago, when they were not married yet. Because I wanted a family time just family and us, sisters but because of my BIL's presence, I felt slightly ermm....not being able to be closed to her. Hahahahaha! But now that they are married, I'm over all these thoughts because I know they come in pairs together and now with my little adorable nephew, Ra'if.

But at the same time, I don't want to appear ngada-ngada to back out last minute like that because the reason why D actually wanted to go to Hj Maimunah for lunch because I was the one who wanted it and so was D. And he has been so excited to have lunch there BUT..he doesn't sound like he is not okay with me not going when I told him just now. So...I also don't know now if I should or should not.

Haiyaz. All I know I'm missing Mama sooooooo much that nothing else actually matters.

XOXO,
Princess Azie Anni 

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Maybe

Dear Diary,

Pensive Face Emoji
 
Maybe I should disappear.

Right.

Maybe I should.

Deep down, I'm only torn.

Deep down, I'm so much wounded than I already am.

Maybe I'm the root of all problems.

Or just maybe I'm the problem myself, itself.

I'm nothing but a burden, else, a burden thrown at me.

Sometimes I feel life hasn't been fair to me, or maybe it has and this is how life has been written for me.

Perhaps, life has never very much favour me.

I can never stay happy for long, there will always be monsters that rip me off mine.

Fairytale princess has been my favourite, I used to think all misery will one day be saved with the world of happily ever after. But I guess not everyone is Cinderella, not me especially.

So this is me and my life. Maybe this is just life telling me to s*ck it up. Living up to misery.

,
Azie