1115 hours
I was supposed to go out for lunch at Hj Maimunah, Geylang/Arab St. with D and his family later today, when I decided to back out last minute and tell him to proceed without me. And I thought to myself, as much as I'm feeling happy to go out with him and his family, the fact, I'm only an outsider. They could be wanting to have their own family time, so what am I doing there? Yes, I may no longer have Mama around with me and I miss family time with my own family but why do I have to tumpang on someone else's happiness? Someone else's family?
Maybe I think so much more than anyone else could ever think of something. I find that D is so close to his sister and so is his sister to him. And I find myself such an hindrance between them whenever I'm there. They could be wanting a brother & sister time together and because of me, they can't because I'll definitely stick to D throughout because I'm still awkward around his family. Plus I don't want to trouble his family to fetch me here and there. So paiseh and menyusahkan.
I once, felt that way when Adik kept bringing my BIL to our family gathering. LOLOLS! But that was then lahhhh, many years ago, when they were not married yet. Because I wanted a family time just family and us, sisters but because of my BIL's presence, I felt slightly ermm....not being able to be closed to her. Hahahahaha! But now that they are married, I'm over all these thoughts because I know they come in pairs together and now with my little adorable nephew, Ra'if.
But at the same time, I don't want to appear ngada-ngada to back out last minute like that because the reason why D actually wanted to go to Hj Maimunah for lunch because I was the one who wanted it and so was D. And he has been so excited to have lunch there BUT..he doesn't sound like he is not okay with me not going when I told him just now. So...I also don't know now if I should or should not.
Haiyaz. All I know I'm missing Mama sooooooo much that nothing else actually matters.
XOXO,
Princess Azie Anni ♥
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