My deepest condolences

¨°o.O (Post) O.o° 2154 hours

Dear diary,

My deepest condolences to B and his family as well as relative, hope you guys will be strong, which I’m sure you all are. =)

Death is definitely something inevitable in life. When Allah S.A.W says your time is up, means it’s up and not even a single soul can stop Him. I really cannot imagine losing the people I love the most; it’s something I don’t think I can handle. =( But they always said, every challenge and obstacles that Allah S.A.W gave you, it’s because He knows that you can handle it. But trust me, it is always easy said than done.

Looking at situation, I somehow recall those days when I was still in Secondary school and I lost 2 of my precious grandmas. My first grandma, Nenek Cah was someone that I was super close with and she doted on me the most. She took care of me when I was a baby, so you can just imagine the bond that I shared with her. I don’t know how but I somehow knew something was going to happen, so I spend my last moment with her fulfilling her wishes.

1) She had always wanted me to live with her, even though I didn’t stay with her, I make an effort and make sure that I come for a sleepover at her house on every weekends.

2) She had always told me she wanted to see me wearing my uniform and going to school from her house and to prepare me breakfast. She stayed at Jurong while my school was just next to my house. So can you imagine, waking up at 5.30am every morning when I could have just wake up at 6.45am from home. It was like a 5 mins walk to her bus stop and I have to take a bus to head down to the interchange and then MRT to CCK and another 10 minutes walk to school. It was really quite a journey. Still, I do it just for her.

I even made a promise myself that once I enter RP (I had this school all along at the back of my mind), I would move over to stay with her but she passed away before I could even fulfill that.

I managed to make her happy, seeing her smile everyday and fulfill her wishes. But the last wish she had was for me to pass my driving and drive her around Singapore. But I wasn’t even 18 yet at that point of time to register for car. Still, I’m all glad that I manage to do something that she has wanted to do with me. I do miss her from time to time but I always tell myself. The life that I have now is just temporary but the afterlife, it’s for a lifetime. We’ll meet again, Grandmas!

And to B’s grandma, Semoga rohmu dicucuri rahmat dan diletakkan bersama orang-orang yang beriman. Amin! Insyaallah!

It was definitely nice knowing her. I have spoken to B’s grandma twice, one was during B’s cousin wedding ceremony and another of B’s cousin, Nadiah & Iman’s Birthday party. After 2 of my Grandmas passed away, I have always regard B’s grandma as my own. I do remind him constantly to visit his grandma because I don’t want him to regret or even say ‘I should have done this and this but it’s too late now’ when the time comes. Feeling guilty and regret when someone has passed away, is the worst feeling you could ever feel. Insyaallah, I will always try to avoid it

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Anyway, I still remember vividly B’s grandma telling me her grandmother story over at Nadiah & Iman’s Birthday party, when I was left alone with her on the round table at the park, while the others did the cleaning up. She talked about her youngster days, how B’s auntie was in their teenagers, how she had another child who passed away and not to forget how big her house is over at Melacca. It was definitely something that she was so proud of to have. She even got B and I mix up thinking we are already engage. I remembered having to tell her so many times that we aren’t and her words on repeat were always ‘Nanti kalau dah tunang, datang lah kampong nenek dekat Melaka, besar tau. Suruh Ami ajak. Eh Ami, jangan lupa ajak ni, tunang kau datang kampung nenek.’ And B’s word on repeat were always “Ye Nekkkkkk”

I always thought I would be able to fulfill that small wish of hers, to get engage with the boy and to visit her humble kampung one day. But I guess sometimes, some wish is just not meant to be fulfilled and they are left to live in the past.

Just within that short period of time that we get to meet up, I learn and knew quite a lot. And it was definitely a story worth sharing, something that I would love to listen and don’t mind listening myself even for the umpteen times. =)

Like I mention, we’ll meet again Grandmas, Insyaallah!

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I miss B badly and I’m not feeling well myself. Can someone bring me over to the ‘Army Open House’ tomorrow PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!

Princessazie Bella<3
Elena Gilbert(: